Shame Weight, Different Day

I am today-years-old when I have an outloud chat with the weight around my middle. Put on, first, by pregnancy, then restored by wonky midlife hormones, the weight has become an egregious ball and chain. I want a divorce. These are the things I say aloud this morning, standing in my dimestore underpants and bra... Continue Reading →

Old Guard Summer Cocktail

Photo by Anthony Shkraba on Pexels.com Many years ago, in the early days of being a married person and an actor, I worked as a bartender at an exclusive golf club. While I'd driven past the front gates most of my life on Lawn Guyland, I'd never know its name or just how secretly kept... Continue Reading →

Guesswork

As each year passes, it is painfully clear to me that "You know I never looked for you" 16 years ago also means "I am not interested in knowing you, now, either", 16 years later.What I had hoped for was to be recognized, sniffed over and eventually welcomed, embraced and included. What happened was shame.... Continue Reading →

Dog Walk 10.22.2020

Yesterday, I turned 57. It was a very good day. 0559, this morning, walking the dog while staring up at the stars, a shooting star, one of the fast, bright Perseids with a tail so long and white, zipped in and out of the atmosphere, right after I said, aloud, "I don't need to see... Continue Reading →

Ghostwalk

August 1, 2020, very early in the morning. In the small bath on the second floor, above my parent's bedroom, reading e-mail and waking up on the toilet, I hear him talking to her."WAKE. UP. YOU'RE. DREAMING." Briefly, garbled from sleep and the floor baffling between us, she tries to say something back. She's not... Continue Reading →

Speech, less.

The last time I saw my mother was the first Sunday in August. The final day of an impromptu stay with my parents, spurred the previous Wednesday by the most heartbreaking call from my father: she didn't have much time; he wasn't prepared of any of this; he wanted to stop this from happening... her... Continue Reading →

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