Guesswork

As each year passes, it is painfully clear to me that "You know I never looked for you" 16 years ago also means "I am not interested in knowing you, now, either", 16 years later.What I had hoped for was to be recognized, sniffed over and eventually welcomed, embraced and included. What happened was shame.... Continue Reading →

Ghostwalk

August 1, 2020, very early in the morning. In the small bath on the second floor, above my parent's bedroom, reading e-mail and waking up on the toilet, I hear him talking to her."WAKE. UP. YOU'RE. DREAMING." Briefly, garbled from sleep and the floor baffling between us, she tries to say something back. She's not... Continue Reading →

Speech, less.

The last time I saw my mother was the first Sunday in August. The final day of an impromptu stay with my parents, spurred the previous Wednesday by the most heartbreaking call from my father: she didn't have much time; he wasn't prepared of any of this; he wanted to stop this from happening... her... Continue Reading →

untitled

Somewhere in this heart beneath all my grief and pain, churning confusion and waves of disbelief I know you found the path to leave To let go and sigh into the mighty arms of the Universe where you will find the deepest Love and the purest welcoming All for you Lean into it and let... Continue Reading →

July 29, 2020: sleep talk

"She's on her way out." So says the CNA charged with day care of my a-mother six days out of seven for the two-and-a-half years. She's been in a state of decline for weeks; her death, when it comes, will likely be labeled a combination of broken hip/fall related trauma and old age. The fall,... Continue Reading →

The Brea[d]ths of July

July 13, 2012, at 7:30 AM This has always been my least favorite day of summer.The one where my child goes off to her father's for a month.The one where my role - and need for my services - abruptly stops. In some years, she will return and tell me they forbid her to call... Continue Reading →

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