Repair and Re-pair.

In April, tired and frustrated, I decided to look for an adoption-competent therapist. It's a thing, adoption-competency. Who knew? The first time I'd heard of this on an Adoptees On podcast earlier this year. Searching the Internet for a local therapist experienced with adopted people, I found several sites for foster and adoptive families but... Continue Reading →

Less than Perfect.

After pulling back from reunion almost five years ago, I find myself wondering 1) how could I have handled that better and 2) was I supposed to set expectations or boundaries, and 3) is there any reparation to be made? For most of my life, making any decision was difficult and very uncomfortable. When open,... Continue Reading →

entre frères et sœurs

Entre. French for "in between"; not "entrée" like the main course of a meal. Freres, brothers. Soeurs, sisters. You can puzzle-piece the title of this post.One of many outcomes of my adoption reunion was siblings. My sibling tribe grew, exploded really, from one sister - with whom I was raised - to seven altogether. We... Continue Reading →

Bloom.

Old-fashioned peony, Thomas Jefferson's Monticello. D. J. Dawson 2019. Hello to all you mothers out there. Hello to you and your Offspring, be they from your imagination, womb or another's. This post was started last weekend and it's taken me that long to get my thoughts in reasonable order. Early evening, on the way home... Continue Reading →

Friendless and Fallen.

In the 1901 Directory of Social and Health Agencies of New York [State]..., Volumes 11-13; Volumes 16-19, in chapters titled Cheap Meals, Lodgings, and Baths and Reformatories for Women, you will find a listing for the place my first-mother stayed while pregnant with me.  Despite decades between the first mention of this "Home" for unwed... Continue Reading →

The Un-Natural Father.

A young male and a young female have sex. Years ago, a medium said my conception "feels like it was very...abrupt.  And aggressive."  I have no idea what happened only that the Female became pregnant. Male has no interest in 1) any relationship with the female past the one (was it more than one?) night... Continue Reading →

Unmothered Mother & Child

Raising a child while neglecting to actually Mother said child:  Unmothering.  Growing up, the moments of my adoptive mother acting like a Mother were scant.  Mother and Mommy are similar but different; truthfully, I'm not recalling anything outstanding for the Mommy category, either. There were moments she acted like a Mother.  Dependable, positive, pleasant and... Continue Reading →

Some of the Pieces: A timeline.

  October 1963, born.  Immediately admitted into hospital; stay for three months until I am well enough to be relinquished.January 15, 1964, relinquished.January 1964, relocated to address Upper East Side, possible foster home.March 1964, admitted back into hospital.May 1964, out of hospital.  Relocated to foster home in New Hyde Park, Long Island, N. Y.November 1964, adopted.February 1985, move into... Continue Reading →

Wading.

New Dorp, Staten Island. 1986. My first apartment, the entire second floor of a small two-family house. Bedroom with alcove closet, full bath, large kitchen/dining area, sunny living room with small private terrace overlooking the neighborhood.  At $450 a month, it was a gem. I felt safe if a tad remote.  The commute was cool:  Walk... Continue Reading →

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