Funny. Today’s horoscope said I have lots of focus and drive (in fact, almost too much), and feel compelled to use that flow to get a lot done for myself.
Currently, my imagination is FULL of focus (on 15 different projects and tasks, and in my mind, I am doing them all at once, with stellar results).
The path of least resistance would be, of course, to finish getting dressed and simply begin something – anything. But, no.
“Simply begin” sounds so perfectly simple, doesn’t it? Yet, it feels, today, tidally overwhelming and as if beginning, even with the smallest movement, one might risk drowning. I believe that is a sign of stress or burnout or, dare I say, boredom? Some conversation I was part of long ago defined procrastination, stalling, not-beginning as a form of perfectionism.
Rather than begin anything (since, today, that is somehow weighted with expectation of brilliant conclusions replete with finish line, applause and accomplishment that push against my confidence), i choose to wander aimlessly from idea to idea and hope to land upon something satisfying.
Including writing sentences that last a full paragraph. That just might do, for today.
Truthfully, part of it is anger. At myself, for giving up a precious day off, yesterday, to help another in distress. While working on saying “no” more often, I say “yes” when, were I in the other’s place, would hope for help. This fellow was begging for help and since no one else offered after a week of asking, I helped.
My sister said it was “kind hearted” of me to help. Maybe, but it was the right thing to do, regardless of how tired I feel today, on my one day off…which I really should not whittle away complaining about thing, should I? That would defeat the whole day. And that is just now how I want to feel, defeated.
Off to dress and see what’s what.
Octoberation 