Obia Dobia Shmobia.

Philemaphobia or Philematophobia- Fear of kissing.

Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.

Fear of missing out on something good/great/fantastic because you’re afraid you’re in too deep, getting too close? Is there a word for this?  (And, no, that’s not it.  Not the words I’d use, exactly, but close.)

Not too deep nor too close.  It’s this:  you are effectively closing off your usual escape hatches and exit routes.  You’re feeling, maybe, a tad committed, even geographically? Your house is in almost-fully in contract; one and only offspring is in college; things with The Man are nice, friendly. Loving and relatively smooth for a learning curve.  Work is enjoyable, entertaining, informative, educational and – totally – stimulating.  So, Life is, essentially and blessedly, perking along quite nicely.  What’s the problem?

And, now you’re starting to feel stuck…or fear ‘stuck’ is about to make an appearance.  (By the way, *this* is the problem.)

Crap.

Two hours later, during lunch:  spellcheck, revisit, and admit some awkward but truthful things

I always wind up leaving.  Volunteering and over-booking my free time; taking every free shift at a job, asking for overtime; taking a second or third job; putting others first (who do not deserve to be in that spot).  There are several avenues of exit, mostly pertaining to use of free time.  i.e.:  I am not home nor available for anything other than being useful and, in that usefulness, there is no time or risk of connecting with a partner.

So, later, I will think about how not to mess everything up and allow joy.

 

Advertisements

3 Comments Add yours

  1. a friend says:

    please allow yourself to be happy

    1. Dar Dawson says:

      Working on that every day. ox

  2. JRF says:

    Quickly . . . Very interesting revelations at the end of this with much relevance to my own patterns. Thank you for putting this in my face, as the choices I’ve made for my own time these next few weeks enforce distance between my partner and me, physically and otherwise.

    How about spinning the “mess everything up” part into something less self-flagellating, like “learn to make choices that serve me better” – allowing that, with your self-awareness, you really have the ability to learn to do this rather than being resigned to a negative outcome. Maybe you already feel that way. I’m going by the words you wrote.

    Not that I’m an expert practitioner of the choice-making part!

    AFGO, as a friend of mine would say: Another F*#!ing Growth Opportunity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s