Come out of the adoption closet.If you're kept in a closet, no one can know you. By closet, I mean, if your first parent has not told their family or other children about you, give them time to do so. Then, decide if you if you want a relationship with any or all of those … Continue reading Things I could do better (as an adoptee in reunion).
The last, and only time, she wrote was January of this year. It was as though she accidentally included me on an email with photo attachments, that's how odd and out of left field. But, it was family-related and it was sweet, baby birthday photos of an extended family member. It was nice, if not … Continue reading Ghost.
One of the things adopted people lose through adoption is, most obviously, their family. This is the not-a-happy-ending side of things no one talked about, at least not until recently. As adopted people - or unwanted babies and children, as most of us began life as someone's shameful problem to solve - we were told … Continue reading Filling in the blanks.
Somewhere between being born and being adopted, abandoned people learn that being pleasing means you're less likely to be left behind (again). If you're funny or engaging, kind, people might like you - you might even make some friends. If you're funny or smart or have some special talent or hobby, you might find your … Continue reading Balancing Act.
In April, tired and frustrated, I decided to look for an adoption-competent therapist. It's a thing, adoption-competency. Who knew? The first time I'd heard of this on an Adoptees On podcast earlier this year. Searching the Internet for a local therapist experienced with adopted people, I found several sites for foster and adoptive families but … Continue reading Repair and Re-pair.
After pulling back from reunion almost five years ago, I find myself wondering 1) how could I have handled that better and 2) was I supposed to set expectations or boundaries, and 3) is there any reparation to be made? For most of my life, making any decision was difficult and very uncomfortable. When open, … Continue reading Less than Perfect.